I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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