After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
