Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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