New invention idea: vibrating tampons
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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