3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
