I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
