i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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