Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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