This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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