I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
