I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
