Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
