I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
