whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
