Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
