It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
