it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize