I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
