mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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