Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
