We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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