we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
