In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
