Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
