Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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