she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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