Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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