how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
