you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.