So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son