Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are