guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.