You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Are my feet made of real feet?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here