i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?