Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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