She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
