It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
