I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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