What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
