i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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