you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
