Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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