I want to walk on stilts...naked
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
