you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
