I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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