He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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