She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
