its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
