It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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