I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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