Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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