she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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