If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
vagina is talking i cant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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