I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
