i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
