can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
