i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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