i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
