i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
