now i know why i became what i already was.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
