I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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