OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bring me that man meat
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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