yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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