$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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