Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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