It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
