I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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