My room smells like vodka and shame
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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