totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
