umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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